I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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