You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
