Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
