i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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