Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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