Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
