Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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