So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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