I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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