I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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