I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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