I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
