I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
