3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
