So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
