Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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