i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
