What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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