My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize