is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
