Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
