alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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