where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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