If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
