i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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