You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
