these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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