whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
