not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
