Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
only if we run a train.
done.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize