So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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