ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
