The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
