I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
