Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
