I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
