Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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