I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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