he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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