Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
