he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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