we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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