The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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