Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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