id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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