If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize