party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
