If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize