My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize