Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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