dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
