I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
