just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bring me that man meat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
