SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
