I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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