I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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