Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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