If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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