Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
