no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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