i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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