I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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