you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
