I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
