Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
