Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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