btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there's paper in my vomit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize