I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
