hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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